Championing the cause of vapid cunts, and the hopelessly bourgeoisie everywhere is the concubine of Lucifer herself--Paris Hilton. It’s hard to imagine someone so utterly devoid of talent, who bathes in the mainstream aura of glitz and glamour with such self assured buffoonery, that’s its almost impossible not to deem it ‘self-parody’. Sadly...it can hardly be further from self-deprecation, as it would entail that the person possesses wit, intellect or at least a brain which is marginally larger than a Garbanzo bean. Her abnormal, fungus like growth over the moldy fixtures of the celebrity-driven media, started with her emergence on the scene as a socialite, and ultimately spread like a contagion to our disease ridden minds. The barrage of news-flashes and images beat us into submission, and we were conditioned to accept her as one of our own; failing to realize that we were actually dealing with a social parasite of the highest order; one with killer tits, but a parasite nonetheless. There’s nothing wrong with being smutty rich, and having a redundant existence. Not having to make the effort to even take a shit. To lead a life where your only concern is deciding whether or not to wear underwear to an elitist gathering. There’s nothing wrong with being spoilt too. Hell...she has my sympathy if she decides to beat an African midget to death every day; dancing on his tiny corpse while sporting a platinum lined Gucci handbag, and some designer wear by that whatshisface French fuck. What I cannot stand is her absurd insistence that she is not the dumb fuck we think her to be, but a charming, urbane and sophisticated woman of this world with a cosmopolitan worldview. Someone, who on no account should be compared to Pam Lee. Say it with me people...Bullshit!!! At least Mrs. Pamela Anderson, or Mrs. White-Trash-Rocker, knew her purpose in life was to titillate the demographic passing through the pangs of puberty, posing for playboy, and marrying every untalented, hack musician west of Baltimore...and she continues to spearhead that movement to this very day. Whereas watching Paris Hilton onscreen, is about as interesting as watching a leper trying to move his bowels, and just as disgusting. How the Queen’s language trickles from her tongue—
"I went to Wal-Mart for the first time. I always thought they sold wallpaper. I didn't realize it has everything. You can get anything you want there for really, really cheap."
Alas, no vivisection of the mighty is complete without compelling evidence of their utter and unqualified damnation. Hilton recently gave an interview to MSNBC, and being the self loathing masochist that I am, I went and read the damn thing. Needless to say, I would have bellowed with murderous rage, had it not bored me into a coma first. If you desire a quick, though painful death, you may find it here--
For the ones with a somewhat tremulous disposition, I choose to take out some excerpts--
AP: Associated Press
Hilton: The Bitch
AP: Do you read what’s written about you? Do you pick up the tabloids?
Hilton: I don’t read any of it. I just look at the pictures to see what I was wearing last week and if it was cute.
Right...and the countless hours of preening in front of a diamond encrusted mirror don’t count because...??
AP: Do you read blogs?
Hilton: What’s that?
Seriously...kill this thing NOW!!
AP: Um, they’re these things on the Internet where people write about news and stuff.
Hilton: No, I don’t really read anything on the Internet except my AOL mail. I don’t like people who sit on computers all day long and write about people they don’t know anything about.
I know that you are a reprehensible skank worthy of a bullet to the head. Does that qualify?
AP: What did you want to be when you were a little girl?
Hilton: A veterinarian, but then I realized I could just buy a bunch of animals.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????????
AP: So let’s talk about the movie. I’m sure you’ve had a gazillion scripts on your doorstep. Why do “House of Wax”?
Hilton: It’s a fun summer movie about teenagers. When I got the script, I went out and got the original and thought it was creepy and fun. And because of Joel Silver. I’ve known Joel since I was little so I was very excited when he asked me to be in one of his movies. He’s a Hollywood legend.
Fucking Hell...and I suppose Adam Sandler is the greatest thespian alive since Laurence Olivier!!
AP: What’s hot right now in entertainment? What TV shows do you watch? What music are you listening to?
Hilton: I only watch “The Simple Life.” I don’t have time to watch anything else. I like 50 Cent, Maroon 5, Britney Spears.
AP: What would your children’s names be?
Hilton: Paris and London.
AP: Paris for a girl? London for a boy?
Original, eh folks? How do you tell mother and daughter apart….Whore Mark-I and Whore Mark-II?? Oh...and 'London'? How does she know he’s going to be gay?
Dirtying myself in a septic tank would be more of an enriching experience, than trying to make sense of a world where this stupid cow while rubbing our noses in concentrated dogshit, is still allowed to validate her worthless existence.