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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I mean.. really?

Itne dino baad post kya karoon samajh nahin aa raha. Kayi baar beech mein post karne ki koshish ki par har baar koi na koi adchan aa jaati thi. Adchan bhi nahin, koi aisi khabar aa jaati ki pichli khabar raat ki baasi roti lagne lagti. Jitne log yahan par padte hain, takreeban un sabse chote mote talluqaat mere ho chuke hain. To wo khabrein unhe mein moonh-zubani ya gtalk ki meharbaani suna hi deta tha. Par aaj laga ki ek muddat si ho gayi hai to kuch kehta chaloon.
Zindagi ne kuch achche se mod le liye hain aur kaafi haseen lagne lagi hai. Ish se ishq hue to ab saalon beet gaye hain par phir bhi na uska nakhra kuch utra hai aur na mera ahem. Software job mein to dilchaspi meri shuru se hi nahin thi par paisa khambhakat kya kya karwa deta hai. Phir bhi maine kalkatta mein idhar udhar kuch naukriyaan dhoondi aur allah ke karam se kaafi saari mil bhi gayin. Advertising, event management, analytics ke kayi offers se guzarne ke baad coaching ke sector mein kuch achche prastaav saamne aaye. Kalkatta mein aur shayad poore bharat mein hi chaar mukhya CAT coaching sansthaan hain, jo ki TIME, ERUDITE, CL aur IMS ke naam se jaane jaate hain. Chaaron ne apni taraf se mujhe alag alag peshkash ki aur phir jab mein unhe doosre ke baare mein batata to padoos waali aunty ki tarah bati mein thoda aur ghee daal dete. Ye karna kitna galat aur kitna sahi tha, ye to har insaan ke apne nazariye par nirbhar karta hai, par mujhe kuch achcha nahin laga. Jab bhi aisi koi baat uthkar saamne aati to mujhe lagta ek boodha thaka haara gilmour keh raha hai, "Oh by the way which one is pink?"**
Abhi paristhiti ye hai ki mein kal subah kalkatta nikal raha hoon, apna samaan satta samet kar. Naukri 1-2 july ke aas paas shuru kar doonga, par kahan ye abhi tak kuch pata nahin hai. Ek do kamre ka flat le liya hai, jise kuch dost kamra kehte hain, kuch makaan, kuch ghar aur kuch achche dost penthouse kyunki teen manzil ke makaan mein sabse upar ki manzil meri rahegi. Sunane mein shayad achcha lage par utna achcha hai nahin. Ab itna paisa to milta nahin ki kaafi achchi jageh reh sakoon, par ye do kamre to chala hi loonga.
Agar kisi ne KATHA naam ki film dekhi ho to yaad karne ki koshish karna, ki sheikh miyan ne pehle bambai mein ladki patayi, phir naukri dhoondi aur phir makaan. Kaam to maine bhi kuch aisa hi kiya hai parantu jitni asaani se chokri aur naukri mili, usi layak makaan dhoondne mein 3.5 kilo kam ho gaya. Waise mujhe ye sochkar kayi baar bahut dukh hota hai ki katha jaisi filmein logon ne dekhi kyun nahin. Meri to maa bolti thi ki tere samajh mein nahin aayegi aur band kar deti thi. Par har ek ke saath ye hi hua hoga, aisa thoda mushkil hai.
Aur bhi kuch baatein aisi hui jis wajeh se mujhe lagne laga ki ab bade hone ka naatak karne ka waqt aa gaya hai. Shaadi ke liye rishta nahin aaya, poori file aayi. Usme biodata bhi the, kuch tasveerein bhi aur ek "blue eyed blonde" bhi. Mujhe ye nahin pata hai ki aisi kitne filon mein meri tasvir jaa chuki hai par is poore silsile mein mere ghar pe chaar din bahut achche kate. Kuch tasveerein to aisi ladkiyon ki bhi theen jo ki agar mujhe sadak par mil jaayein to shayad mein unhe chai ke liye bulane ki bhi himmat nahin kar sakoon. Maa ki nazar pe to bharoosa kayam ho gaya par ab mein us ladki ki tasveer ko dekhkar kya aah bharoon jo hobbies = cooking likhti hai.
Ek aur waakya ye hua ki ab mein bhi chasma waala ho gaya. Maana ki mujhe chasma lage hue hafta bhar hi hua hai par ek baat to hai... Agar baat karte karte chasma utaar do to log bahut dhyaan se sunte hain. Mein un tarah ke logon mein so hoon jo har waqt koi na koi character nibahte rehte hain. Kabhi bhi bahut achcha actor to tha nahin isiliye chasma haath mein aa jaane se kaafi madad si ho gayi hai. Chasme ka frame kaafi banavati hai jo ki mujhe jald hi badalna padega warna mein un logon ki tarah dikhne lagoonga jo ki mujhe bilkul pasand nahin.
Mera phone number, home address, office address, designation aur sutte ka brand jaldi hi badalne waala hai. Abhi bas ye bata sakta hoon ki sutte ka brand "gold flake kings" hoga, baaki 10-12 din mein pata lag jaayega. Internet to shayad ab sirf cafe mein hi milega to posts utni frequent to nahin ho paayengi jaisi kuch hafte pehle hua karti thi. Jaisa bhi hoga, orkut pe aur yahan par update to kar hi doonga.
Bahut muddat baad dil se aise kuch likha hai aur isiliye likha hai ki mein kisi aur ka blog pad raha tha. Mein us shaksiyat se kabhi mila to nahin hoon, aur shayaad miloonga bhi nahin. Main ye bhi jaanta hoon ki woh shaksiyat kabhi mujhse milna chahegi bhi nahin. Mujhe ye bhi pata hai ki woh shaksiyat kaafi had tak mujhe napasand karti hai. Par phir bhi kabhi unke khilaaf kuch kehne ki meri aukaat nahin hogi. Us insaan ki choti behan se shayad mein saal der saal pehle kaha tha... ya shayad socha tha aur kahan nahin tha. Aaj yaad aa gaya to phir bol deta hoon, "Tumse to koi isiliye shaadi kar lega taaki woh keh sake ki wo HHH(the person i am talking about) se related hai".


**"Oh by the way which one is Pink?" is from a song by pink floyd called "have a cigar" which talks about "selling out". I am not against money but this just hurts.
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