Uncyclopedia Rocks

On BUSH

George W.: Not a terrorist in sight. The "War in Iraq" must be working like a charm!
Jenna: That's specious reasoning, Dad.

George W.: Thank you, dear.
Jenna: By your logic I could claim that this pair of panties keeps tigers away.

George W.: Oh, how does it work?
Jenna: It doesn't work.

George W.: Uh-huh.
Jenna: It's just a stupid pair of panties. But I don't see any tigers around, do you?

George W.: (pause) Jenna, I want to buy your panties.

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On GOD
“Let God sort it out and then God can sort out whose God should sort it out.”

— Oscar Wilde on God

“I am God.”

— Oscar Wilde on God

“I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill God.”

—Steve Ballmer on God

“Ballmer killed God.”

— Nietzsche on God

“Boy, are you guys in for a Big Suprise...”

— God

“George Bush doesn't care about God.”

—Kanye West on God

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On SEX

“At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to bone people's daughters without them knowing.”

— Oscar Wilde on Sex

This vagina-related article is a stub. You can help Uncyclopedia by stretching it

Botanical explanation
More specifically, The Sex is the a sexual technique usually known as "making whoopie," in which scientists believe the wee-wee must go into the woo-woo. The Sex is usually performed by human men on stoats, though a significant minority prefer little girls or little boys. According to an ancient superstition, performing The Sex on a girl is the only way to cure her of virginity, a disease usually caused by birth. However, The Sex can also transmit diseases far worse, including pregnancy and Roman Catholicism; in order to avoid these, the partners must find Jesus in their lives, accept Him as their personal Lord and Savior, and ask Him for a few dollars for a pack of condoms.

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Oscar Wilde Quotes

* "I didn't actually say this." ~ Oscar Wilde
* "I didn't actually say this either." ~ Oscar Wilde
* "Nor this." ~ Oscar Wilde
* "Didn't say it." ~ Oscar Wilde

* "Winston Churchill has better quotes than I. And has been doing it longer." ~ Oscar Wilde

* "No no no, on the second thought, mine are better. Yeah they are. Of course!" ~ Oscar Wilde

* "The only thing worse than being talked about is losing your car keys." ~ Oscar Wilde

* "The only thing worse than being talked about is losing your kidneys." ~ Oscar Wilde

* "The only thing worse than being talked about is being stabbed in the face repeatedly with an icepick." ~ Oscar Wilde

* "The only thing worse than being talked about is being sentenced to two years' hard labour for buggery" ~ Oscar Wilde

* "The only thing worse than being talked about is crashing into a hospital and having a bunch of angry nurses storm your car and smash your windshield and yell at you and then you get arrested. Trust me." ~ Oscar Wilde