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Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Uncyclopedia Rocks


George W.: Not a terrorist in sight. The "War in Iraq" must be working like a charm!
Jenna: That's specious reasoning, Dad.

George W.: Thank you, dear.
Jenna: By your logic I could claim that this pair of panties keeps tigers away.

George W.: Oh, how does it work?
Jenna: It doesn't work.

George W.: Uh-huh.
Jenna: It's just a stupid pair of panties. But I don't see any tigers around, do you?

George W.: (pause) Jenna, I want to buy your panties.

“Let God sort it out and then God can sort out whose God should sort it out.”

— Oscar Wilde on God

“I am God.”

— Oscar Wilde on God

“I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill God.”

—Steve Ballmer on God

“Ballmer killed God.”

— Nietzsche on God

“Boy, are you guys in for a Big Suprise...”

— God

“George Bush doesn't care about God.”

—Kanye West on God



“At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to bone people's daughters without them knowing.”

— Oscar Wilde on Sex

This vagina-related article is a stub. You can help Uncyclopedia by stretching it

Botanical explanation
More specifically, The Sex is the a sexual technique usually known as "making whoopie," in which scientists believe the wee-wee must go into the woo-woo. The Sex is usually performed by human men on stoats, though a significant minority prefer little girls or little boys. According to an ancient superstition, performing The Sex on a girl is the only way to cure her of virginity, a disease usually caused by birth. However, The Sex can also transmit diseases far worse, including pregnancy and Roman Catholicism; in order to avoid these, the partners must find Jesus in their lives, accept Him as their personal Lord and Savior, and ask Him for a few dollars for a pack of condoms.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

* "I didn't actually say this." ~ Oscar Wilde
* "I didn't actually say this either." ~ Oscar Wilde
* "Nor this." ~ Oscar Wilde
* "Didn't say it." ~ Oscar Wilde

* "Winston Churchill has better quotes than I. And has been doing it longer." ~ Oscar Wilde

* "No no no, on the second thought, mine are better. Yeah they are. Of course!" ~ Oscar Wilde

* "The only thing worse than being talked about is losing your car keys." ~ Oscar Wilde

* "The only thing worse than being talked about is losing your kidneys." ~ Oscar Wilde

* "The only thing worse than being talked about is being stabbed in the face repeatedly with an icepick." ~ Oscar Wilde

* "The only thing worse than being talked about is being sentenced to two years' hard labour for buggery" ~ Oscar Wilde

* "The only thing worse than being talked about is crashing into a hospital and having a bunch of angry nurses storm your car and smash your windshield and yell at you and then you get arrested. Trust me." ~ Oscar Wilde


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