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Sunday, August 01, 2004

Kolkata Blues

"Well begun is half-done"
"All's well that ends well"
When I was young I was taught many adages like these but what if the begining was pathetic and the ending was nightmarish, can it still be called a nice day? It may sound a bit surprising but the answer is Yes.

The angry sun was on top of me when I put my foot on the kolkata railway platform. The only place worse that the railway platform in kolkata is the ticket counter. Even after living for four years in Bongland, Kolkata still makes me feel like Bill Murray in LIT. I was supposed to meet RS in Music World at 12 o clock but as it turned out, Gods were against me and she was late by more than an hour. I kept on looking for some music to listen to but the entire Music World did not have a single Led Zeppelin CD. Keep your pants on, things are about to get worse. I ran into Srivatsn (a classmate) who did not take more than a millisecond to understand the situation and blurted out, "Hey Handooz.. Got stood up?" I had no answers to that question but managed to scrap my way with the help of a fake smile. But then again, he was nice enough to give me his mobile for some time so that I can talk to RS and find out the latest update about the seemingly never-ending jam.

As soon as I met RS things got better, as a matter of fact, a lot better. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered something that I still have no idea of. I stuck to my first love, chicken, as I was too nervous to try anything new. The movie that followed chicken and vodka was Monster. I know that she was nice enough to do the fake laughter sometimes but I was not able to differentiate between the two. I do not know how people claim that they can differentiate between fake and real orgasms. Now for the irony of the situation, she was talking about the comfort level and I was wondering that how much noise the popcorns in my mouth were making when I chew them. So I developed an algorithm for eating popcorn with minimal noise output. Here it goes,
Step 1: Do not take more than one at a point of time.
Step 2: Chew the softer portion with the help of your front teeth because it does not make much sound.
Step 3: For the harder portion use your molars on the other side i.e. if the female is on the right use your left side.
As you must have noticed that the time complexity of the above algorithm is very high, I was not able to finish the small popcorn pack during the whole movie. Our next destination was "Someplace Else" (my favorite hangout in Kol), but as it was a Saturday night we could not find a place to sit. We settled for Hookahs, a theme bar which had the most amazing walls and lighting combination that I had ever seen. As it was "Happy Hour", I got the offer of "EK LO TO EK FREE". You have rightly guessed that I did not miss out on this opportunity.

The journey back to KGP was one of the most treacherous ones I had in a very long time as I was in an extremely overcrowded Puri Express. This post is probably the longest one I ever wrote so I would end it here. If you reading this RS, “Thanks for everything and skip the next few lines.” The only thing I regret from the whole trip is that I could not muster up the courage to kiss RS before I left. Well, they have made an adage for such a situation also:
"There is always a next time"

P.S. I wrote this in a hurry (10 minutes approx.) so I am sorry for any kind of spelling mistakes.


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